There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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