I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
