i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
