Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I believe in your delicious
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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