Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
