So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
