Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
