you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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