Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
