Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
