dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
