She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
