I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
