I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
