See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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