I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
