I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
