I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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