There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
