Your dad touched me again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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