Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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