The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
