ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
