Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All the doctor said was why
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
