i think i have herpe
just one?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
