I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
