you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everything about him screamed your future.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
