you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
