Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
