please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
