best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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