cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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