Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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