SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
