I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
