How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
