It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
