It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
