it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
