So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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