Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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