mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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