I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
