so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
