I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
