I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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