Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
