He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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