Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
