I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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