I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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