She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
