I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
